欧洲闪小说28第一周 德国《拉莫娜》韦卜克•佐尔曼

吴宏鹏

配图：北京电影学院 马弘

拉莫娜

       拉莫娜站在一辆蛋壳色欧宝旁边，她搭这辆车从柏林到洛尔拉赫。沿途每经过一个休息站，她都会下车花五分钟时间抽上三支烟。路程过半，烟也抽到一半的时候，她开始向我讲述她的生活。我们刚刚认识了三个半小时。

      我的两个儿子十八岁的时候这么跟我说的：你再也管不着我们了，我们现在是大人了。我说好吧，到时候看你们怎么应付。然后我就解散了原先的家，从柏林搬到了洛尔拉赫。过了一年，我女儿也搬来了。她在洛尔拉赫认识了个男人，再后来就是派对，没完没了的派对，她觉得体验一下没什么不好。很快她就吸上了那个什么.因。整整七年时间，戒了二十四次，一点用也没有。最后住进了弗莱堡的临终关怀医院。最后三周，医院的人给我在她房间里搭了张床。一天一天，你只能眼睁睁地看着自己的亲骨肉一点点死去。我女儿到了最后谁也不想见，除了我。她是3月4号死的，去年。

她的双胞胎妹妹说，这感觉就像是自己身上突然少了什么。我去看她的时候，恍惚觉得另一个女儿还活着。有时候我跟她说，你这样子跟雅妮娜一样傻乎乎的，她听了就很高兴。我女儿过得不错，她平时可以跟我说说话，我帮她照看孩子。她是个单身妈妈，有三个孩子，一个十岁，一个五岁，最小的一岁半。孩子父亲是个喀麦隆人，在格利茨公园被一伙人桶死了。报纸电视全都报道了，新闻里说：

男子在格利茨公园被杀

      尸体在卡布瓦兹儿童马戏团附近被发现

      警方推测此案与他们内讧有关

     她坐在那里嚎啕大哭，因为家里有三个孩子要带，没法去蹦迪了。我说去吧，不过九点钟早饭时候必须回来。结果她到一点才回来，我臭骂了她一顿。过了一星期她又想出去，我说可以，但你必须给我准时回家。九点钟的时候，她乖乖地坐在桌前跟我们吃了早饭。教育孩子就得给他立规矩，她也觉得是这么回事，我在的时候她是这么觉得的。总之没过几天情况就好多了。

      我的两个儿子也是双胞胎。我搬到洛尔拉赫以后，他们花了三个月时间才学会自食其力。一开始两个人越来越瘦，后来就慢慢好了。他们做了学徒工，一切都挺顺当。米尔克交了女朋友，两人生了小孩，平时他也会玩玩音乐，画点画。后来女朋友跟他分了手，他一下子整个人就垮了，得了很严重的抑郁症，想跟他的狗相依为命。我给他买了张车票寄过去，说要么你也来我这儿吧。现在他过得挺好，有房子，有工作，还养了只猫。他去柏林找他弟弟的时候，都是我帮他喂猫。

作者简介：

       韦卜克•佐尔曼，1990年生于德国司丹达尔。2009年至2011年在亚美尼亚埃里温从事摄影工作。2011年至2014年在比埃尔瑞士文学研究所就读。2014年9月起在歌德学院埃里温分院语言部任助理。业余创作诗歌、随笔、报告，爱好摄影，同时从事英语、法语和亚美尼亚语作品的翻译。

配图作者简介：

      马弘，蒙古族，2009年就读于内蒙古师范大学美术学院，2013年毕业获得学士学位。2014年9月就读于北京电影学院美术系，研究方向新媒体艺术理论及创作。

Ramona

Ramona is standing beside the ecru Opel in which she’s sharing a ride from Berlin to Lörrach. At each rest stop she gets out and smokes three cigarettes in five minutes. Halfway to our destination and halfway through a fag, she begins telling me her life story. We’ve been acquainted for all of three and a half hours.

When my boys were eighteen, they said: You can’t tell us what to do anymore, we’re legal now. I replied: Okay, then you’re on your own. Dissolved the household and moved from Berlin to Lörrach. A year later my daughter followed me there. In Lörrach she met a man – and then off she went: partying, endless partying, she was out for a thrill. In no time she was hooked on heroin. For seven years, twenty-four times in rehab, it didn’t help. In the end she went to a hospice in Freiburg. The last three weeks they put a bed in her room for me. Everyday your child inches closer to death and you have to watch. My daughter didn’t want to see anyone in the end, just me. She died on March 4th, a year ago.

Her twin sister says it’s as if part of her was missing. When I go to see her, it’s a little as though the other one was still alive. Sometimes I say: Now you look as mindless as Janine, then she’s happy. It does my daughter good when I’m there: she can talk to me, I help her with the kids. She’s a single parent, three kids: ten, five, and a year and a half. The father was Cameroonian, he got stabbed to death in Görlitzer Park. It made all the headlines.

Man murdered in Görlitzer Park

His body lay next to the Cabuwazi children’s circus.

Police suspect drug racket disputes.

Now she sits there with the three kids, snivelling because she can’t go to the disco. I said: Go. But be back by breakfast at nine. She came at one and I chewed her out. The next week she wanted to go out again: But only if you’re on time, I said. At nine she was sitting at the table with us. Well, go ahead. You’re not doing children a favour when you don’t draw the line. My daughter notices that too when I’m around. After a few days everything gets easier.

My boys are twins too. They did good back then. When I moved to Lörrach, it took three months, then they learned to stand on their own two feet. At the start they kept getting skinnier, but they managed. They did apprenticeships, things went well. Mirko had a girlfriend, a kid, made music and painted. Then she left him. That pulled the rug out from under his feet. He had severe bouts of depression, wanted to live with his dog at Alex. I sent him a ticket: you can come and stay with me too. Now he’s doing well, he has a flat, a job and a cat. I look after it when he goes to visit his brother in Berlin.