明星模仿秀/赵昊鹏(赵金基译）

程思良

明星模仿秀/赵昊鹏
　　
　　我真的不应该去参加“明星模仿秀”！
　　本来，参加了也没事的。要怨，就怨我这张嘴——
　　“除了长得像尹相杰，生活中，还有人说你像谁？”电视台女主持嘴大话更多。
　　“等我想想——哦，曾有人说，我和我们市长长得蛮像，就像双胞胎。我们都姓赵，可却没有任何血缘关系……我是下岗工人，人家是市长，我们从没见过面！”我这人就他娘“人来疯”，话匣子打开就关不上。
　　那场明星模仿秀，我很轻松就拿了第一名。
　　回到A市，我做的第一件事就是打电话告诉我那干哥哥。人家是局长，可平易近人得很，第一次他在街上看见我，就主动打招呼请我吃饭，这一交往，都快一个月了。
　　“哥，我参加‘明星模仿秀’拿了第一，你看电视了吗？”
　　“看了，关我卵事！莫名其妙！”
　　耳朵贴着电话，我一下子愣了，认识以来，干哥哥可从没这样对我过。
　　“娘的！长得像市长，骗了老子这么多顿饭吃……要不是上电视，老子还真以为是市长的弟弟呢！”干哥哥没挂电话，我心里明白，这话是对我讲的。
　　认识干哥哥的那天起，每次请我吃饭，他都说，多和你哥提一下我，每次回家我也高兴地告诉我哥哥，局长又请我吃饭了……
　　原来，他讲的我哥不是我亲哥啊！
　　从此，我再没接到过局长干哥哥的电话，我也再没吃过海鲜……
　　
　　
　　The Imposter
　　
　　By Zhao Haopeng
　　
　　I shouldn’t have enrolled in the imitation contest on TV.
　　Nothing did go wrong with the contest. But my tongue, my tongue was to blame!
　　“Besides Yin Xiangjie (a popular singer), whom else does anyone say you appear like?” The pushy big-mouthed hostess asked.
　　“Let me see…er, it is said that our mayor and I are very much alike in appearance, rather like twin brothers. We do share the same surname Zhao, but we are really unrelated by blood. As a laid-off worker, I’ve never had my honor of meeting him in person.” I was such a bigmouth that my tongue tended to lead astray all the time.
　　I had undoubtedly won the championship of the imitation contest.
　　When I got back home, the first thing to do was tell the good news to my sugar brother. Though being Director General, he was so easygoing that he had greeted me on the street and entertained me with meals in the restaurant. It had been almost one month since we first met.
　　“Brother, I won the championship of the imitation contest. Have you watched it on TV?”
　　“Yes. But what does it have to do with me? How ridiculous!”
　　Holding the receiver, I was dumbfounded. Never had he treated me this way before.
　　“Son of a bitch! I’ve been tricked into entertaining him with meals by his appearance! Without his own confession on TV, I’d still believe him to be Mayor’s younger brother!” He was referring to me. I understood.
　　Since I met this sugar brother, each time at meal, he would say, “Remember me to your brother.” Each time I would tell my brother, “Director General entertained me again.”
　　Oh! That brother was not my brother, indeed.
　　Then Director General my sugar brother never called me again and in turn, I no longer had my honor of being entertained with delicious seafood.
　　

尚舟

欣赏