如果/杨军(赵金基译）

程思良

如果/杨军
　　
　　明天要去开会，他在房里收拾衣物。
　　儿子突然跑了进来，说：爸爸，如果大学城里有冲锋枪模型卖，那你要帮我买一个来。
　　他笑了，说：傻瓜，大学城里哪会有这些东西卖！
　　儿子急了，说：我说的是“如果”，又不是说“一定”有！如果有的话，那你一定要帮我买一个来啊！好了，就这样说定了，不能改了……没说完就跑了。
　　如果？谁能否认如果的存在呢？他的头脑里无端地冒出了两句话：希望本无所谓有，也无所谓无……走的人多了，也就成了路……
　　正想着，儿子又跑了进来，说：爸爸，如果大学城里有恐龙模型卖，那你也要帮我买一个来……
　　他笑了笑，说：行，没问题，一定帮你买！如果有的话！他把“如果”两个字说得很重。儿子笑了，做作业去了。
　　他怎么会忍心让这个小小的梦想破灭呢？依旧收拾着衣物，心思浮泛开来……如果……如果这次开会能见到汉林师那该多好啊！他想起那个和善的老头来，他讲课时总是那么的认真，还有那发亮的头顶……还可以见到秋阳师兄吧！听说现在可是发了……还有妙云师妹……现在还单身……镜湖……妙云的笑靥……争吵……分手……
　　妻子已把碗筷摆好。
　　昏黄的灯光下，几碟小菜，一家三口有说有笑。
　　他知道：生活中不能没有如果，也不能有太多的如果。
　　
　　Ifs
　　
　　By Yang Jun
　　
　　For tomorrow’s conference he was packing his stuff in the bedroom.
　　His son rushed in. “Dad, if possibly there are submachine gun models for sale at University Town, buy one for me, please.”
　　He smiled. “Silly boy, there won’t be such things for sale at University Town.”
　　His son was somewhat annoyed. “I said ‘if possibly’ rather than ‘surely’; if there really are, make sure to buy one for me, please. All right, it’s a deal. Don’t…” With this he rushed away.
　　“If possibly? Who knows?” Somehow it suddenly occurred to him, “Hope is tricky; …people walks and a path results.”
　　At the moment his son rushed in again. “Dad, if possibly there are dinosaur models for sale at University Town, buy one for me as well, please.”
　　“O.K. No problem! I’ll surely buy one for you if possibly there are.” He said with a smile, stressing “if possibly”. Smilingly his son got down to his own homework.
　　How could he bear to put out a faint flame of hope? While still packing, he indulged himself in more thoughts. “If possibly I meet with Professor Hanlin at the conference!” A kind old man, he was strict in class; he was balding shiningly. “If possibly I meet with Brother Qiuyang who is said to have been wealthy…and Sister Miaoyun who remains single…Glass Lake…her sweet smile…quarrelling…breaking up…”
　　His wife got their meal ready.
　　In the dim light, with several small dishes, the three-member family sat at table, talking and laughing.
　　He knew that without “ifs” life would be unbearable; yet with too many “ifs” life would be ruined.

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