响屁/王豪鸣(赵金基译）

程思良

响屁/王豪鸣
　　
　　赵六来到这个城市的第一天，便放了一个响屁。
　　这个响屁让城里人受惊了。先是乘客们发出尖叫声，以为有歹徒开了枪。然后是公交车司机，竟然紧急刹车，确认是轮胎爆裂。赵六不得不站出来解释说，什么也没有发生，是他放的屁。但赵六的解释是无力的，大家不信。因为城里人早已忘了，屁是可以响的。赵六想不到城市文明已武装到了屁股，连放屁都变得悄无声息，充满了阴谋。他决计要让城里人开开眼界，于是憋足底气，再放了一个。一车人这才信了，纷纷向他招手致意。
　　赵六的响屁，唤醒了城里人遥远的记忆。市民三五成群，开始了放响屁的实验。当然，实验进行得并不顺利。部分原因是当地官员的阻止。他们不想坏了城市的名声，也害怕响屁的数量多了，会产生恐怖袭击的错觉，以致于造成骚乱。另一部分原因，则来自于市民的括约肌功能退化，以及心理承受能力的低下。据说有一位市民终于放出了一个响屁，却把自己吓个半死，还引发了心肌梗塞。
　　尽管如此，实验还是让城里人得到了许多益处。当局经过谨慎评估，也发现了响屁蕴藏着的巨大意义。为了去弊存利，当局禁止各行其事，并确定一年中的某个日子为“市民响屁日”。
　　每到这一天，城市便披上了节日的盛装。“亮出你的响屁”的巨幅标语，格外鲜艳夺目。城里人将压抑一年的响屁，都在这一天里集中爆发出来。那充满了节奏感的声音，的确好听极了——
　　劈劈啪啪，像放鞭炮。
　　
　　A Loud Fart
　　
　　By Wang Haoming
　　
　　On the first day when he arrived at this city, Zhao Liu gave off a loud fart.
　　This loud fart scared the citizens. At first, passengers exploded with screams, supposing some mobster had fired a shot; then the bus driver stepped on an emergency brake, convinced that one tire had burst. Zhao Liu couldn’t but stand up, claiming that nothing had happened but his fart. His confession, however, sounded helpless and unconvincing. For all citizens had long forgotten that there were such things as a loud fart. Without imagining the city civilization reaching such a stage that people farted with a full plot rather than a loud sound, he intended to broaden the citizens’ vision by farting again with all his strength, thus convincing all passengers on the bus and drawing successive warm greetings.
　　Zhao Liu’s loud fart awakened the city to far-away memories, so that all citizens, in groups of three or five, set about experimenting with loud farts. Of course, the experimentation didn’t work smoothly. It was partly due to the interference of local officials who wouldn’t like to corrupt the city’s reputation and were afraid that too many loud farts might lead to an illusion of terrorist attacks and even riots. Also it was due to citizens’ failing sphincters and their poor psychological endurance. One citizen was reported to have been frightened to half death by his own loud fart, thus contributing to a myocardial infarction.
　　All citizens had benefited a lot from the experimentation, though. After a cautious evaluation, the authorities also discovered the vital value hidden in a loud fart. To take the advantage and remove the disadvantage of it, the authorities banned each individual from giving off a loud fart and fixed a special day for All Citizens Farting.
　　On the special day of each year, the entire city was decorated with splendid costumes. Large slogans such as “Give Your Loud Fart” attracted everyone’s eyes. On this very day, all citizens collectively exploded with loud farts which had been suppressed for the whole year, the rhythmical voices sounding rather musical, indeed.
　　Crack. Crack. It sounded like firecrackers.
　　

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