头式看人/赵昊鹏(赵金基译）

程思良

头式看人/赵昊鹏
　　
　　么六子来县政府办公楼当保安的前一天，原先进过城见过世面的四舅来到家里，他老人家要给侄子面授机宜——
　　“上班之前，老舅得教你认人的招数，可管用了！”四舅摆出一副高深莫测的样子。
　　四舅说，你得注意看看来人的穿著打扮，那些穿得破破败败霉气兮兮的人，你可得盘问，一定要他们出示证件才准进大楼。
　　“不过，还有一招最简单的……”四舅斜瞥着桌上的香烟，欲言又止。
　　么六子赶忙给四舅点上烟，美美抽了一大口，四舅又开讲了——
　　城里人讲究头式，这几句你得给我记牢。
　　头式两边分，正在闹离婚。
　　头式一边倒，混得有点好。
　　头发根根站，不是领导就是坏蛋……
　　从四舅那里取得“真经”后，么六子就到县政府当了保安。
　　上班第一天，么六子就认识了政府办主任，那是一个“头式两边分”的中年男子。
　　几天后，么六子知道了主任正在闹离婚的事。
　　么六子就在想，俺舅神呢，头式看人，不假！
　　上班不到十天，么六子被辞退了。
　　那天，么六子看见一个头发蓬乱的家伙想往楼里冲——
　　站住！出示你的证件！
　　小同志，我是县长，我马上要去开会……
　　你是县长？我还是省长哩！
　　你……
　　直到主任听到吵闹出来，县长才进了门。
　　回到乡下的么六子经常会自己问自己：“这县长咋就不吹个头式，上点摩丝呢……”
　　
　　
　　Hairstyles
　　
　　By Zhao Haopeng
　　
　　Prior to the day when Yaoliuzi started working as a security guard at the county government building, his uncle, who had previously been around in the county town, came to offer confidential instructions to his nephew in person.
　　“I’ll teach you some tricks of identifying a visitor. They will help you with your work.” He said with an air of mystery.
　　“Observe what a visitor wears; question the one who is humbly dressed until he shows a right ID.” He said.
　　“The simplest way, however…” He paused, casting a sideways glance at the packet of cigarettes on the table.
　　Immediately Yaoliuzi lit a cigarette for his uncle; the latter pulled in a deep enjoyable drag and went on.
　　“City people pay attention to their hairstyles, so you must know by heart:
　　With his hair centre-parted, he is getting divorced;
　　With his hair side-combed, he is getting promoted;
　　With his hair straightened upward, he is a boss or a bastard
　　…”
　　With these confidential instructions, Yaoliuzi started working as a security guard at the county government building.
　　On his first day on duty, Yaoliuzi identified Director of Government Office, a middle-aged man with his hair centre-parted.
　　A few days later, Yaoliuzi learned that, Director was getting divorced, indeed.
　　“My uncle said it. The hairstyle does tell one’s secret.” Yaoliuzi thought for himself.
　　On his tenth day on duty, however, Yaoliuzi was dismissed.
　　That day Yaoliuzi caught a guy rushing into the building with his hair messed up.
　　“Stop! Show your ID!”
　　“I am County Mayor, young man; I am going to an emergent meeting.”
　　“You are County Mayor? Then I’d be Province Governor!”
　　“You…”
　　County Mayor didn’t enter the building until Director of Government Office emerged at the gate.
　　“How come County Mayor didn’t have a decent hairstyle, using an aerosol spray or something?” Yaoliuzi kept asking himself when he got back to the country.
　　

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